i can't believe i didn't remember.

i'm ashamed i didn't realise what day it was, i feel like in a way i betrayed you. i can't believe i didn't fucking remember. 3 fucking years; 6 days ago. and i didn't fucking remember. you even called me speechless and crying, you even came to see me, and i still didn't click. not until last night when i was about to write in my diary and checked my phone for the date, after realising i cried, for an hour, i cried. but i was struggling, it's like i was trying to cry but my body didn't want me to. i feel horrible i only just realised why you we're so upset, i should have known. ever since last night you're all that's been on my mind, and it fucking hurts. i really want to talk to you, i need to hear your voice. it's starting to hurt more and more often. i found a letter from you this afternoon; i read it. i fell to my knee's, clenching my fits, biting down hard, crying, remembering. i built up the strength to open my eyes on the side it said "if it isn't love why does it hurt this bad" that small sentence broke me a little more inside. i hate feeling like this, i try my best to try and hide it but you find a way back to my heart without even being in my life.