beautiful disaster.

a week or two ago this picture looked completely different, it was painted with bright colours, and breathtaking moments. but now all of that light has been clouded over by darkness, the pleasant thoughts are fading and guilt is splattered across the canvas. i've accepted that i wont see your face as often anymore, and that your path has changed direction again. i've accepted that you are confused, you are angry, and that you don't know what you want. i've accepted the fact that you are going to let me down, and upset me; but i can handle anything you've got. i'm staying strong, i'm maturing. and no, this doesn't mean i am a push over, this doesn't mean i'm an idiot, or oblivious. more or less this means i am trying out new things in my life. do what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always got; so i'm starting to eliminate bad habits, and push myself to learn from my mistakes. taking every moment as it comes, and always thinking ahead. perhaps i am holding onto something that is already broken beyond words, but perhaps my endless devotion to you has shown me a new light. perhaps i'm just letting myself get lost in the mess, and destruction. and perhaps there may never be an end to this nightmare, but i'll be here right the way through.