fuck.

i lied to both of you, "my mum is picking me up" i wanted to tell you she wasn't, but i was afraid of what you would do, what you would say. i was only thinking about myself, and how i felt. although i knew how you both would feel about it. i knew he was going to react the way he did, which is why i couldn't bring myself to tell him, and watch his heart break in-front of my eyes. at the time, i was angry at you for almost forcing me into coming clean, but now that it's out in the open, i am glad. without your push, i would have kept it hidden for longer; i would have locked it away and the guilt would have eaten me from the inside, out. in fact, it already was. i can't believe i was so heartless, i went behind his back and i lied, straight to their faces. i knew the second i agreed to it that it was a bad idea, and that i'd end up regretting it. i wanted to believe i could be your friend, an innocent friendship is all i wanted, but i didn't notice what was happening. i'm ashamed of myself and what i've already put you through. and now i've hurt you beyond words, more than you've ever been hurt before. you're a mess, i can feel your pain, from miles away i can feel it. i want to mend the heart i so easily broke, i want to fill you up with all the love i can give, just like you do for me. even when i've hurt you, even when your angry, you still show me just how much you care about me, how much i mean to you. i want you, and i wont give up.