I saw you in my dreams again last night. 

I love you.

I could write endless hours of nonsense but you’ll still never know. 

Did I make it all up?

I think there will always be apart of me that will love you, 

That will want you, 

That will always fantasise a life with you, 

That will always wish I could turn back the clock. 

If only I could go back, relive my life, change almost every decision I’d made. 

Looking back now I can’t understand how I could’ve been so stupid, so naive, so utterly oblivious to what was. 

How could I not see what was so blatantly in front of me all along? 

How could I be so blind? 

But was I really? was I pushing away something that was always there? 

Something that scared me. 

Something that I was so terrified to ruin, that I didn’t do anything at all. 

I was frozen. 

I always so scared that if it didn’t work, if we didn’t work out, I’d ruin it, I’d ruin it all. 

I’d loose my best friend… 

How could I possibly wager that bet. 

How could I possible risk you.. 

Risk us… 

For something that I may have made up in my mind. 

Did I make it up all along? 

Or am I still that naive? Am I still that blind? 

Did I make it all up?  

Is it all in my head..