If I had to talk about soulmates

I’d tell them about us 

Oh hey there

I love you 

I miss you 

What’s new? 

It’s harder now. 

Because I know, you know. 

Before, I just hoped you knew.  

But now I know, that you know. 

And I know you, you love me too. 

And that makes it harder than ever. 

I miss you

If only I’d had the guts to tell you all the things that consume my mind. 

 I saw you in my dreams again last night. 

I love you.

I could write endless hours of nonsense but you’ll still never know. 

Did I make it all up?

I think there will always be apart of me that will love you, 

That will want you, 

That will always fantasise a life with you, 

That will always wish I could turn back the clock. 

If only I could go back, relive my life, change almost every decision I’d made. 

Looking back now I can’t understand how I could’ve been so stupid, so naive, so utterly oblivious to what was. 

How could I not see what was so blatantly in front of me all along? 

How could I be so blind? 

But was I really? was I pushing away something that was always there? 

Something that scared me. 

Something that I was so terrified to ruin, that I didn’t do anything at all. 

I was frozen. 

I always so scared that if it didn’t work, if we didn’t work out, I’d ruin it, I’d ruin it all. 

I’d loose my best friend… 

How could I possibly wager that bet. 

How could I possible risk you.. 

Risk us… 

For something that I may have made up in my mind. 

Did I make it up all along? 

Or am I still that naive? Am I still that blind? 

Did I make it all up?  

Is it all in my head.. 

I think I always will.

I love you, like I really really love you. 

I always have. 

I think I always will. 

How can I be so selfish at a time like this..

Are you okay? 

Maybe not, but I’m sure you will be. 

You must feel so alone 

You must be so lost 

Your whole world has been flipped upside down

Where will you go, what will you do.. 

I’m so selfish but I can help but hope you’ll come back to Australia now.. 

Will I finally be able to see you again. 

How could I possibly be thinking of myself when you’re in the position you’re in.. 

but I can help it - I miss you so much. 

Please come home rob, I’d give anything to be able to hug you, spend any time I can with you, just be around you. 

I love you so much, I hope I can hear your voice soon. 

It feels like forever

Looking at you through the glass 

Don’t know how much time has passed 

All I know is that it feels like forever 

But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home 

Sitting all alone inside your head 

broken hearts club

I'm the newest member of the broken hearts club

We hate every little thing about the people that we love
We're the let-down, we're the lied-to, where the lost go and it finds you
Where the lonely make the lonely feel less lonely, and we're dyin' to
Invite you to stay, and take away the pain
'Cause misery loves company, so hey, what do you say?

I guess if you can’t beat em, join em.

the broken hearts club - gnash 

It was so long ago...

I can’t stop thinking about what you said. 

I can’t stop repeating your apology over in my head. 

It was so unexpected 

But maybe I should have been expecting it.. 

I don’t know. 

But I certainly don’t feel as crazy anymore. 

After 13 years not seeing or speaking to you.. 

at least I don’t feel crazy anymore.

Do you know?

You’re all I hoped I’d find,
In every single way. 

Who fucking knows

Will I ever gather up the courage to tell you how I really feel? 

Do you already know? 

Why do I write these stupid posts? 

Who fucking knows. 

It’s all the little things

It's the first defeat
It cuts you to your bones
Knocks you off your feet
And you discover that home
Is not a person or a place
But a feeling you can't get back

Then the second round
Throws you to the floor
Leaves you stuttering
What the hell was that for?
Takes you by surprise
Like the bullet you never saw coming

This will be the last time
This will be the last time
This will be the last time
You take me

It's the little things
That convince me to stay
It's your fingertips
And the music they play
To the beat of my heart
And the rhythm our bodies make

But this will be the last time
Honey, this will be the last time
This will be the…

My heart. Your heart.

It breaks my heart 

That it doesn’t break yours 

So much regret

Why didn’t I just get on a fucking place and come see you when I had the fucking chance. 

Just say you won’t let go

I knew I loved you then
But you'd never know
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go
I know I needed you
But I never showed

It’s you

There's always something in the way 
There's always something getting through 
But its not me,
Its you 

21.08.20

 One week sober today.